Back where? Well, I thought it would be back home but the feeling is different, kind of weird. After almost 3 years living abroad and missing home, its smell, the friends and family I left there, I am here, home and can’t really feel like it’s it.
The places first, and though they look the same, they seem to now have that yellowish color of oldies and I look at them sorry that they do indeed look the same, the sidewalk is still broken at the same place it was 10 years ago, the stinky city bus is the same exactly, or even more stinky; even the Castle was empty of life and I still wonder why the heck did they turn off the lights, it gave the Castle a so unique spirit.
And the people, they are still the same, doing the same jobs, complaining about the same problems, arguing about the same issues. One thing is different though, I now am bothered by the lack of smiles in their faces.
Coming back home didn’t bring me the joy I had hoped for and it makes me feel silly; wasn’t it what I wanted to be back in the past I so much missed? Why do I feel disappointed then?
I have no answers to all the questions I now ask myself but I do realize, more than ever, that 3 years in a lifetime are a long time, and that everything I lived in those 3 years changed who I am inside. Nothing bad with me changing or home not changing, I just need to accept that distance builds distance and live with it.