It was almost normal, a cigarette, many
times an ice breaker. I was a social smoker.
As laws were passed to prevent smokers
to pollute everyone else's fresh air, it almost left like I was an
outlaw. Obviously, I am painting a much more dramatic picture here
than what it really was, but this was the spirit of the situation,
the pressure that I left at the time.
Today, It's been 8 months since my last
cigarette. (In all fairness, I have had a couple of smokes since, in
a few social situations, but that was it.) I feel liberated not to
have to look for smoking coffee shops or where to buy my next pack,
and this has been a very agreeable experience but on the other side,
it brought me some weird feelings as well, something I wasn't
prepared to face, the still-smoking-judgmental looks that would now
be part of my new smoke free life. I don't quite understand why but
it's like the still-smoking feel I am crying out loud that I
succeeded where they failed, which I am not! But still, I feel I am
guilty of something. When at a dinner party, people step outside to
have a smoke and I decline the invite, I see those dark looks
demanding that I mustn't show their better halves or their families,
kids, that quitting is possible. It is quite a weight to bear to have
quit smoking as my friends put all their I-can't-quit-smoking guilt
on me. I sometimes just feel that maybe I used to be too harsh on the
non-smokers and the new laws they keep finding to prevent smokers
from polluting the environment.
So to avoid all this, I just accept all
invites to step outside and have a smoke: no one realizes I am not
smoking and I get to socialize with my dear friends; only down side
is that I must find a way not to catch every single cold or virus the
precious wind and air brings to me, but I'll manage.
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